times-chu:

memewhore:

the fuckin… the muscle isolation…

(via cass-without-the-andra)

drtanner:

transmeowgynistic:

Seeing her going increasingly apeshit for this drink as the ingredients get added is SO GOOD, lmao.

(via nonbinarhys)

huffylemon:

(via maudmont)

oleanthe:

god this tickles me

(OP’s tiktok here)

(via sss-shyshy)

tricktster:

around when I first started dating my boyfriend i bought myself this novelty blanket that looks like a photorealistic tortilla because I am SUCH A SUCKER for novelty shit. when he saw it in person for the first time his eyes lit up, which should have been a warning sign for the indignities to come.

so he’s a first responder and his day shifts start obnoxiously early as far as I, a pampered corporate asshole, am concerned. almost invariably when he’s at my place there will be an alarm at an hour that is downright unconscionable that will make him wake up and roll out of bed to get ready and will simultaneously make me burrow under the pillows grumbling about how surely nobody actually NEEDS their lives saved this early in the morning, after which I will promptly attempt to go back to sleep

he is a clever man and he knows this is when i am most vulnerable to attack.

every single time we do this dance, he quietly dresses, packs up, goes about getting ready to leave, and then when i have juuuust fallen back asleep, he returns with the tortilla blanket. He finds it no matter where I have hidden it.

He then creeps silently up to my side of the bed and uses his superior speed, strength, and reflexes to wrap me up in it incredibly tightly while i am still dazed and sputtering, so that i cannot move my legs or arms and am reduced to humiliating halfhearted magikarp flops that do not deter him from at least attempting to kiss my forehead.

then he goes to my bedroom door, opens it, then pauses, turns around, looks at me, the soft human filling of the facsimile of an enormous burrito he has just constructed, and says in his best romantic lead voice “I’ll see you soon, beans.”

you cannot understand how devastating it is to my ego that i am beans.

(via magiccatprincess)

boopednose:

tompetertrash:

sorekbekarmi-deactivated2022051:

I’m NOT gonna say it again

SEASONINGS include herbs and spices, along with minerals and chemicals used to season food!!!! Salt, citric acid, and MSG, are all examples of seasonings that are NOT herbs or spices!

HERBS are flavorful leaves. Only. Leaves. Doesn’t matter if its dried, fresh, whole, or ground, if it is a leaf, it is an herb

SPICES are flavorful parts of plants that are NOT LEAVES. These include seeds, berries, stems, bark, roots, flowers, buds… NOT LEAVES

THANK YOU

Things are heating up in the cooking fandom.

That’s how cooking works

(via maudmont)

hera-the-wizard:

Are you queer in any way shape, or form? Any sense of un-straight, un-cis, un-allo, ANYTHING!

Yes.

No.

Not sure.

See Results

I want this to be an actual poll, so I’m gonna need a REALLY big sample size, so do ANYTHING you can to get this around! Reblog it! Kung-pow-penis me, if you have to! Wreck my notifications! Just do ANYTHING!

(via swarthysinner)

View high resolution

urbanfantasyinspiration:

bears-for-the-bear-god:

the-porter-rockwell:

nooniebaddass:

thecringeandwincefactory:

I fucking love Venn diagrams.

This Made Me Uncomfortable

don’t bring a splayd to a knork fight. 

HE’S GOT A SPIFE

While you were off using silverware I studied the splayd

(via zoeynightly)

catchymemes:

(via magiccatprincess)

turing-tested:

turing-tested:

“Many species of polychaetes undergo epitoky whereby sexually immature worms transform into pelagic morphs capable of sexual reproduction. After fertilization, they release their gametes through rapid disintegration.”

worms are out here having insane sex we can’t even comprehend

“what do they mean by disintegrate?”
“oh yeah no he fucking disintegrated”

(via retroactivebakeries)